Bedside Manner
by Tracy-Lou
Summary: Doug visits Brendan in hospital


Disclaimer: I do not own these characters, they belong to Hollyoaks!

Summary: Doug visits Brendan in hospital

Bedside Manner

Brendan stared at the wall, unseeing. His cheeks were wet, his eyes were red raw. His whole body shook with sobs, unable to quieten. He had sent Cheryl away; he couldn't deal with her questions or her soothing tones. Right now she wasn't the voice he wanted to listen to. He wished Stephen would come back so they could talk more. He wanted to tell him that he understood why he did what he did, and he didn't blame him. He certainly wouldn't be reporting him either.

Brendan wiped at his eyes, feeling foolish. What good would tears do? They weren't going to bring Stephen back or erase the fact that he had finally hit back at Brendan. Violence was a language Brendan understood; he and Foxy had certainly shown that yesterday. But Brendan wanted to change; he wanted to prove to Stephen that he could be the man he wanted him to be; he could care, he could love. But right now it wasn't going to happen; Brendan was going to give Stephen all the space he needed. It was possible that they would never come back together again. What would Brendan do then? He had finally fallen in love with someone and somehow it was still as messed up as most of his other relationships.

When Stephen had said those things and walked away from him, Brendan had felt abandoned. It was silly really considering he had pushed Stephen to this ultimately. It didn't make it hurt any less though. He wished that Stephen had come to him face to face to solve this problem but Brendan understood his decision. He hadn't exactly given him the confidence to square up to Brendan successfully. Brendan shivered in shame, the deep sense of loss pooling around his stomach and making him feel sick. He was alone. It was how it would always be. Cheryl would never really understand him; he had certainly made sure of that time and time again.

Stephen had told him that he wasn't capable of love but that wasn't true. He loved his family, his boys. He loved him. It wasn't enough, he knew that now. Brendan felt more tears fall down his cheeks. It was okay, he was alone. Or so he thought.

There was a cough. "Brendan?" A small voice asked quietly.

Brendan turned his face towards the speaker. He hastily wiped at his eyes.

"Douglas?" He asked hoarsely.

"Yeah, um I'm sorry to disturb you… Cheryl was just outside, she was pretty upset…"

Brendan grunted. "So ye thought ye could just walk in? If she isn't in here what makes ye think I want ye in here?"

Doug swallowed. "It's always hardest to face the people we love the most, even when we're at our most hurt and we need them more than anyone else"

Doug looked at Brendan, unblinking.

Brendan sighed and passed a hand across his face. "Wise words indeed, Dougie. What good are they to me?"

"I heard what happened"

"Did ye now?"

"Ste put you in here"

Brendan looked at Doug sharply. "How the hell do ye know that?"

Doug shrugged. "I was nearby, I heard the ambulance coming, and I saw Ste run off with something underneath his jacket. What did he do?" Doug looked concerned; he placed a hand gently on Brendan's own, which Brendan shook off roughly.

"It's none of ye damn business!" Brendan could barely find the strength to raise his voice significantly. Doug looked at him sadly.

"You're probably right. I know we aren't exactly friends, Brendan but believe it or not I do respect you. Even when you're at your worst"

"Ye haven't seen me at my worst" Brendan growled.

"Probably not… but I think I can understand a little of what you're going through"

"How can ye possibly understand…?" Brendan trailed off angrily.

"I'm not entirely…straight" Doug said awkwardly.

Brendan's face reddened in anger. He didn't have the strength to yell still.

"Don't get mad. I've known for a while but I was always too scared to tell you I knew"

"And what makes ye think ye can say it to me now?" Brendan asked darkly.

Doug smiled awkwardly. He gestured to the bed Brendan was lying in.

"Look, I didn't come here to make you angry, or make you feel bad. I just came here because I thought you could do with a friend, that's all"

Brendan looked away. He didn't want to argue right now; his head was a complete mess and he just wanted to rest.

"I can't talk about this now, Douglas" he said quietly.

"I understand" Doug said, nodding and standing up. "I know you love him; I've seen the way you look at him. I'm sure he'll come around"

"I wouldn't bet on it" Brendan murmured.

Doug sighed, shaking his head sadly. "It isn't easy, coming out. It wasn't for me either but you deal with it, you get on with life. Life's too short to be so unhappy over something you can't control and over something which shouldn't be a problem to begin with"

"I'm a lot older than ye, Dougie"

"I know. And I get that it's harder for you, because of that. Just, if you need a friend…" Doug trailed off, moving away from Brendan's bed.

Brendan coughed uncomfortably. "Could ye stay?" He looked Doug in the eyes sincerely. Today was a strange day for Brendan; he didn't think he had ever felt so lost and vulnerable before; he needed someone to stay with him and not judge him. And Doug seemed understanding enough so why not? What harm could it do? Brendan's secret wasn't going to stay secret for much longer at this rate anyway…

"Of course" Doug smiled and sat beside him again.

There was silence for a moment. Brendan felt very tired.

"Why aren't ye scared of me anymore?" Brendan asked, mildly amused.

Doug smirked, looking to the ceiling. "What's to be scared of? You're human, just like everyone else"

Brendan laughed shortly. "Not sure everyone would agree with ye there"

"You mean Ste?"

Brendan's face fell into a hard mask. "I don't want to speak about him" he said bluntly.

"Fair enough" Doug said easily. "I did sneak something in for you, actually. I bet the food here is awful" Doug's eyes twinkled.

"Haven't had any yet, I'm bloody starving" Brendan replied, glancing at Doug's coat to locate the hidden food.

Doug smiled and reached into his coat, bringing out a wrapped bag of chips. Brendan grinned, his face hurting with the effort of it.

"Ye are an angel" Brendan said, reaching for the chips Doug offered to him.

Doug laughed. "I wouldn't go that far, but you're welcome"

Brendan munched away for a while, Doug watching him affectionately. Brendan kept glancing at him, raising his eyebrows.

"Ye like what ye see, Douglas?" He finally asked, smirking. Now was really not the time or the place to be making such jokes but Brendan needed the light-hearted release of it all.

Doug blushed profusely. "I don't think I wanna answer that"

Brendan chuckled. "Probably wise" He put the chip wrapper on the bedside table, now empty. "That's better" he said, licking his lips.

"Glad you enjoyed them" Doug said, laughing again. "Nice of you to offer me one"

Brendan looked at Doug ironically. "I've just been hit over the head with a baseball bat; do ye really think I care about manners right now?" He said it in jest however, and smiled.

"I suppose not" Doug replied. He looked at Brendan softly. "I bet you're tired"

Brendan yawned in response. "I've only just woken up"

"You need the rest" Doug said quietly. "Want me to leave?"

Brendan pondered this for a moment. "No…stay for a while, will ye?" He didn't like to ask anything from anyone but he couldn't stand the thought of being alone right now, even in sleep.

"No problem" Doug said, smiling warmly. Brendan nodded once briefly and closed his eyes, feeling himself drift towards sleep, a place where his dark thoughts could only haunt him in dreams but he was so out of it he doubted very much whether he would even be capable of dreaming, or at least remembering them.

When his chest fell into the even rhythm of sleep, Doug tentatively reached out and stroked his hair, avoiding the bandage. He was glad that he could help in some way. Sometimes all men like Brendan needed was a bit of understanding. Rising from his chair, Doug gently kissed the top of Brendan's head, breathing in the smell of him.

Doug sat back down and noticed Brendan shiver slightly in his sleep. Doug stood up again and removed his jumper and laid it across Brendan's chest, tucking it in around him. There, now he was warm. Doug moved towards the door and ushered Cheryl to come back in, a finger over his lips. Cheryl smiled at him wanly, her eyes still wet.

"Thank you" she mouthed to him before she sat beside Brendan again, taking his hand.

Doug nodded at her, smiling. It was the least he could do.


End file.
